Hi. It’s officially the best time of year. Soon, we will be gathered at the table with friends and family on whom we love giving thanks & then we shall celebrate the birth of Jesus. Although some families may seem like they have it all together, many of those members do not. I say all this because as the holidays and special celebrations come up, many of us will still struggle with loneliness no matter the amount of people around us. Before you go any further: this is a small story of where I was and where Jesus has brought me too.
As I type this, I am going to be honest with you guys. I’m scared. Scared of rejection from being opened up with where I’ve been with loneliness: BUT, I KNOW when God lays something so heavy on your heart, you do it. I strive to be vulnerable & transparent because I so badly dream of the day where that is the norm for us humans. So here I go:
I’ll start with a recap: If you didn’t know I grew up without a dad or a so called “stable” family. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have a horrible childhood, but let’s just say it was a unique one. I went from house to house, school to school, and town to town trying to “re-find” myself in an unfamiliar place. All we were trying to do was make it. With all of this, it gave me a sense of loneliness. That’s where it all began. I realized not being rooted in a school, friendships, bullying, and a place to call home affected me in feeling lonely. I didn’t understand.
Fast forward sometime and that so called “loneliness” turned into depression. Like I said earlier, I was surrounded by people who I loved and who loved me but it didn’t make the cut to regain my happiness, or whatever happiness I thought existed. I can remember days in where I didn’t eat anything, I slept ALL DAY and cried until tears no longer poured from my face. I know we all struggle with some sort of loneliness but some experience a deeper hurt from it. It felt like everything stopped. My world wasn’t ending but instead who I was as a person was disappearing. I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. Literally. I gained weight, stopped all hobbies that I so loved to do, and wore over sized clothes 24/7. I never wanted to die, but I truly wanted to escape the world. This was real. I never thought I would be in such a position, but it was reality & I needed a way out.
I always knew Jesus. He’s been in my world since I could remember. I knew I needed him more than ever during this season but this time was different. How do I get out of such a rut? So, what did I do?
- I let my emotions pour out: it was healthy.
- I distracted myself with things that I loved.
- I wrote about it.
- I sung about it.
- I worshiped about it.
- I learned new skills.
- I surrounded myself at all times with people that I adored and trusted.
- I became one with Jesus.
You know that saying, ” you never know God is all you need until you realize he is all you have”? Those words became so REAL at the moment.
Girls. Guys. Whoever is reading this. I am so glad you are. Listen, being lonely isn’t a sign of weakness. You are human. We will struggle. We will have thoughts but most of all, we have someone so close that if we call upon him, he can heal all hurt and bondage’s if we only so want too. Being lonely is real. I get it. I truly do, but its an emotion that we can overcome.
Isaiah 41:1 Listen to me in silence, O coastlands; let the peoples renew their strength; let them approach, then let them speak; let us together draw near for judgment.
Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Hebrews 13:5 Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Matthew 28:20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
1 Samuel 12:22 For the LORD will not forsake his people, for his great name’s sake, because it has pleased the LORD to make you a people for himself.
John 14:18 “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
Romans 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?
Romans 8:39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
I can’t even begin to tell you how much I gained through such low and harsh times. I am no where near perfect. I still struggle with being lonely at times. I still wonder if I will be a girl who never gets married. I wonder why I’m not flooded with friendships. Yes, Kaley Dignen gets lonely but, here is the greatest news…..When I am worried about being a lonely single woman, I am reminded that my GOD has never left me nor will he forsake me. He stands by my side every second of every day. Why question a GOD who in return only gives back blessings and rewards the faithful?
When my sister was gone for 7 months, I learned so heavily that the only person you can rely on is JESUS CHRIST. I spent 7 months living alone. There were many, many, times of silence but it only gave Jesus a bigger area to be loudly in. UGH. I can’t explain enough that yes, lonely feelings will always exist, but so does JESUS and he wants you so desperately to lean on him in times of struggle and defeat.
Be encouraged & loved. He will seek after you, just lean on him. I love you.
with humbleness & love,